you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
