im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
