I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
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It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
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Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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