we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
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Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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