we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize