no, he came in my armpit
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
