At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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