Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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