just tell him i said nine months
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
