Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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