Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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