I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
