i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
