He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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