I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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