WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
...so i touched it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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