I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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