I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i may or may not be watching the land before time
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
