Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
