You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
