bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
