I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
