If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
