You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
