Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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