They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
