I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
