I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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