It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
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critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
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I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.