but the lizard people decide everything anyway
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito