I accidentally had phone sex last night
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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