Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.