I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
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Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
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So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back