Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize