census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
