I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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