finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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