my room smells like sperm. sweet.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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