Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
