your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
