do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
