Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
