Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
