just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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