took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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