Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
