I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
