So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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