Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
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You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
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I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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