Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
