Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
