I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
