I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
