let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
