i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize