Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
