i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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