He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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