so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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