i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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