Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
