I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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