also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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