I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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