I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
