this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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