get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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