yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
