We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
